My appointment Update

*This blog is from April 1st*

First and foremost... I would like to thank each and every one of you for your prayers and continued support. This is an extremely difficult time in my life and as I search for the reasoning behind this I do find peace and comfort in knowing that this ultimately is in God's hands and it will be his will no matter what.

As for the appointment Monday nothing really has changed. I am extremely blessed to have found such an awesome Dr. who is willing to do whatever it takes to make this easier on me. Which this will never be easy. I went in and had my consultation. Was there for about 3 1/2 hours. We talked about our options. The next move, etc.. I have so much to think about and a lot of decisions to make in a short amount of time. Because at this point time is of the essence. He went ahead and had me do another ultrasound while I was there. The ultrasound showed the baby has a complete blockage in the urethra and that is why I don't have ANY amniotic fluid. The problem with this is that with the blockage the baby is not able to urinate therefore all the fluids are being backed up into the babies kidney's which in time the kidney's will shut down if they haven't already. The Dr. can do a procedure to see if the kidney's have shut down and if they haven't I can have surgery to go in and put a shunt in the baby to re-route the urine out the babies stomach. With all surgeries comes risks to myself and the baby. There is a 1/3 chance that during surgery I could lose too much blood and need a blood transfusion, send me in to pre-term labor, get a really bad infection and be sick, and they could damage my uterus to the point I could possibly need a hysterectomy and never be able to have kids again. This is the scariest for me because I have always wanted to have several kids. Now, I can do the surgery and it not even change the outcome which is very likely according to my Dr. because my babies lung development is also in question. There is about a 99% chance that my babies lungs never developed because my fluid levels have always been low and lung development starts at 13-14 weeks and if I had low fluid then, then any procedure or surgery I do will not change the outcome. The Dr. basically said that he didn't recommend me doing the surgeries and risking my health because with my history throughout this pregnancy it didn't look like the outcome would change. Honestly, I really don't know what to do. All I am 100% sure about is that I will not terminate this pregnancy. I cannot make that decision even if the outcome is what it is. I would not be able to live with myself. It has to be God that takes this baby.As far as the procedure and surgery goes I am scared to death to risk everything and do them and I am scared to death to not do them. Miracles do happen and what if my baby miraculously grew lungs and if I do not do them the baby will not survive due to kidney failure. I am so confused. I still have Garrett I have to think about as well. He needs me well. If I only knew if the baby had lungs or not. Which I talked to the Dr. today and he said that there is nothing that can be done to tell if the baby had lung development. He said that he could almost guarantee their wasn't but still you never know. He said that if the baby had partial blockage then the outcome would be much better. Like I said before he doesn't think the surgery is a good idea but is willing to do what I want. He said that if I was older and this was gonna be my last child then he would say let's go for it but being I am still young and have the ability to have more children he doesn't really want me to take the risks involved and potentially not ever have anymore children and us still not save this one. He also said that the chances of this ever happening again is 0%. This is so hard. I don't know what to do. I don't know what move to make. I just don't know. I cannot even explain how I feel right at this moment. I know this is long and I have probably repeated a lot of stuff but, it is the best I can do right now. :) I wanted to make sure you all got an update. I ask that you all continue to pray for the baby. I just pray God provides miracles for the baby and heals it completely.

Thank you all so much. I am extremely grateful for all of you.