Garrett had his first Dentist appointment the other day. Everything is great. Here is some pics I took of the visit since I "fixed" my camera. You don't want to know I probably broke it more than it was but hey it works better now. hehe!
The "Choo Choo" as he'd call it!
Showing off his teeth in the train!
Him telling me to get up there!
Isn't he cute!
Well........ I know it's been awhile! It has been a crazy past couple of weeks.
I had a Dr. appt. on the 13th (I know I know) and at this appointment they discovered protein in my urine which is a sign of preeclampsia. I don't know much about preeclampsia other than that it has some to do with kidney function, high blood pressure, and so on. I haven't been having high blood pressure or swelling or anything like that. It also could be dangerous if left untreated which I see the Dr. all the time so I am not all that concerned about it being dangerous to myself or the baby. I see the Dr. again tomorrow morning for further testing and an ultrasound. So, I will surely get results this week sometime. I pray tomorrow for fluid, lots of it and of course no preeclampsia.
When I was pregnant with Garrett I stressed all the time. I was scared to death. I did not enjoy my pregnancy like I should have. I spent the majority of the 9 months worried about everything. Really, it was crazy. When I found out I was pregnant this time I told myself OK you've done this once, you know what to expect, etc.. I just wanted to enjoy it, I wanted everything to go smooth and be normal. Normal this would not be. But, These days I am doing better with coping. I often get by without tears. I put on this strong front but, inside I am falling apart. It is hard. It's hard when you see people having their baby showers when I should be planning for my baby. When someone mentions a baby shower or anything that has to do with a baby or I see a baby out and about It feels like I have been punched in the gut. It's not that I am not happy for them or the precious babies they will be having or have it's just that I want that too. It hurts like hell that I may not have that. According to my Dr.'s I will NOT have that unless, a miracle happens. Which it very well could. And, That is what I hope and pray for. It just hurts!! Plain and simple.. It hurts!! The only words I have for the way I feel day in and day out..
The week before Easter we had the opportunity to spend a few days with Carson and Megan while mom and dad got some time away. We had fun and it kept my mind busy. Carson is one day older than Garrett. They had a lot of fun playing. Of course they had their moments but all in all they did great. I took them to the zoo the Saturday before Easter which was fun. They loved the park and carousel the best. Go figure. :) We had a great time with them and I didn't realize how much I missed Carson. Garrett and I used to spend basically everyday with him(I used to watch him) and then we didn't see him for awhile so it was great getting to spend some time with him and Megan.
Our Easter was fun and busy. We went to Church, lunch, did Easter with my family, then went to Dusty's families for Easter with them. The day was packed but we did get it all done. Garrett had fun. He got the hang of the egg hunting real quick and ended up with a ton of candy and toys. He got like 4 Easter baskets. :) By the time we got home he was wore smooth out. I didn't get any pictures myself because my camera was messed up. That's part of the reason I have no pics up yet on my blog. They are coming though.
Yesterday, we did the 89er day parade in Guthrie. It was fun and the longest parade I have ever been to. It was 2 hours long. I thought it was never gonna end. :) Garrett loved all the "horsies". And, he almost gave me a heart attack when he decided to dart off from our curb up to one of the trucks in the parade. I let him out of the stroller for a short time and off he went. I had taken my eyes off him literally for a second and I looked back and he was gone. Like I said I almost had a heart attack. Needless to say his stint out of the stroller was short lived. Although, It was fun I was definitely glad when it was time to go. I couldn't believe how many people had entered into this parade and it didn't help that one of the first things I saw was a carriage with a casket in it. It was some advertisement for a funeral home but still, It knocked me for a loop and if we wouldn't have been at a parade with 9 million people around I would have had a meltdown but I just took some deep breaths and fought the tears. I have learned lately that when I feel a meltdown coming on to just take big deep breaths. Seriously, a meltdown in the middle of walmart is probably a little awkward. Anyways, back to the parade besides the carriage with the casket it was fun and the boys had a blast.
Garrett in the car on the way to the parade
Garrett and mommy!
Garrett and Aunt Lori! I think she was trying to get out of this picture..
Garrett enjoying the parade!
Hey everyone!
I am officially a blogger now! :) I was really nervous about doing this because I am not a great writer and I didn't even know what I would call it and so on. But, after my mom came up with the name I figured I would just do it. She is so smart, she did research and looked up the meaning behind mine and Garrett's name then came up with my blogspot url. Clever, I have to say. I would have never even thought to do that. So, this is my "official" blog and just know when you come here it's not gonna be proper like all the other blogs I love and follow. I will tell you all more about those later. They are great and have given me a lot of peace and helped me more than anyone will ever know. I will write more later. The kiddoes just woke up from their naps so I got to go for now!
I love you all and keep praying for the baby!
Shawna
*This blog is from April 1st*
First and foremost... I would like to thank each and every one of you for your prayers and continued support. This is an extremely difficult time in my life and as I search for the reasoning behind this I do find peace and comfort in knowing that this ultimately is in God's hands and it will be his will no matter what.
As for the appointment Monday nothing really has changed. I am extremely blessed to have found such an awesome Dr. who is willing to do whatever it takes to make this easier on me. Which this will never be easy. I went in and had my consultation. Was there for about 3 1/2 hours. We talked about our options. The next move, etc.. I have so much to think about and a lot of decisions to make in a short amount of time. Because at this point time is of the essence. He went ahead and had me do another ultrasound while I was there. The ultrasound showed the baby has a complete blockage in the urethra and that is why I don't have ANY amniotic fluid. The problem with this is that with the blockage the baby is not able to urinate therefore all the fluids are being backed up into the babies kidney's which in time the kidney's will shut down if they haven't already. The Dr. can do a procedure to see if the kidney's have shut down and if they haven't I can have surgery to go in and put a shunt in the baby to re-route the urine out the babies stomach. With all surgeries comes risks to myself and the baby. There is a 1/3 chance that during surgery I could lose too much blood and need a blood transfusion, send me in to pre-term labor, get a really bad infection and be sick, and they could damage my uterus to the point I could possibly need a hysterectomy and never be able to have kids again. This is the scariest for me because I have always wanted to have several kids. Now, I can do the surgery and it not even change the outcome which is very likely according to my Dr. because my babies lung development is also in question. There is about a 99% chance that my babies lungs never developed because my fluid levels have always been low and lung development starts at 13-14 weeks and if I had low fluid then, then any procedure or surgery I do will not change the outcome. The Dr. basically said that he didn't recommend me doing the surgeries and risking my health because with my history throughout this pregnancy it didn't look like the outcome would change. Honestly, I really don't know what to do. All I am 100% sure about is that I will not terminate this pregnancy. I cannot make that decision even if the outcome is what it is. I would not be able to live with myself. It has to be God that takes this baby.As far as the procedure and surgery goes I am scared to death to risk everything and do them and I am scared to death to not do them. Miracles do happen and what if my baby miraculously grew lungs and if I do not do them the baby will not survive due to kidney failure. I am so confused. I still have Garrett I have to think about as well. He needs me well. If I only knew if the baby had lungs or not. Which I talked to the Dr. today and he said that there is nothing that can be done to tell if the baby had lung development. He said that he could almost guarantee their wasn't but still you never know. He said that if the baby had partial blockage then the outcome would be much better. Like I said before he doesn't think the surgery is a good idea but is willing to do what I want. He said that if I was older and this was gonna be my last child then he would say let's go for it but being I am still young and have the ability to have more children he doesn't really want me to take the risks involved and potentially not ever have anymore children and us still not save this one. He also said that the chances of this ever happening again is 0%. This is so hard. I don't know what to do. I don't know what move to make. I just don't know. I cannot even explain how I feel right at this moment. I know this is long and I have probably repeated a lot of stuff but, it is the best I can do right now. :) I wanted to make sure you all got an update. I ask that you all continue to pray for the baby. I just pray God provides miracles for the baby and heals it completely.
Thank you all so much. I am extremely grateful for all of you.
*This is a blog of mine from March 18th.*
What do you do when you are told that there is a 94-96% chance that your baby will die at birth?
This is my reality. This is extremely difficult to even write but, I don't want to leave you guys wandering how my appt. went and so on. I really don't know what to say right at this moment. All I do know is that it is a really serious situation. I had my routine ultrasound last Friday and they noticed that I had really low amniotic fluid. So, I was scheduled for an appt. with a high risk dr. for an ultrasound on Tuesday. At this appt. they discovered that I had very little amniotic fluid. They don't know what caused this. Everything that would cause this was normal. The baby is developing normally. The problem is that if there is no fluid or very little the lungs will not develop therefore the baby will most likely not survive long after birth. People ask me if it would be easier for me to terminate my pregnancy now (which is an option). For me it would be no. Either way I am going to be devastated to lose my child. I feel like I have to carry this child and give it every chance to live. Every chance for God to provide a miracle and possibley give life to this baby. If I terminated now I would always wander what the end result would have been. So, I choose to carry this baby full term and hope that God heals my baby and gives he/she life. That he/she will be the 4-6%. That my baby will live.
I ask all of you to pray for my baby. Pray that God provides a miracle for this baby.
I love you all and am incredibily thankful for all of you.
Create a MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com
