I am back... xoxo

Well........ I know it's been awhile! It has been a crazy past couple of weeks.

I had a Dr. appt. on the 13th (I know I know) and at this appointment they discovered protein in my urine which is a sign of preeclampsia. I don't know much about preeclampsia other than that it has some to do with kidney function, high blood pressure, and so on. I haven't been having high blood pressure or swelling or anything like that. It also could be dangerous if left untreated which I see the Dr. all the time so I am not all that concerned about it being dangerous to myself or the baby. I see the Dr. again tomorrow morning for further testing and an ultrasound. So, I will surely get results this week sometime. I pray tomorrow for fluid, lots of it and of course no preeclampsia.

When I was pregnant with Garrett I stressed all the time. I was scared to death. I did not enjoy my pregnancy like I should have. I spent the majority of the 9 months worried about everything. Really, it was crazy. When I found out I was pregnant this time I told myself OK you've done this once, you know what to expect, etc.. I just wanted to enjoy it, I wanted everything to go smooth and be normal. Normal this would not be. But, These days I am doing better with coping. I often get by without tears. I put on this strong front but, inside I am falling apart. It is hard. It's hard when you see people having their baby showers when I should be planning for my baby. When someone mentions a baby shower or anything that has to do with a baby or I see a baby out and about It feels like I have been punched in the gut. It's not that I am not happy for them or the precious babies they will be having or have it's just that I want that too. It hurts like hell that I may not have that. According to my Dr.'s I will NOT have that unless, a miracle happens. Which it very well could. And, That is what I hope and pray for. It just hurts!! Plain and simple.. It hurts!! The only words I have for the way I feel day in and day out..

The week before Easter we had the opportunity to spend a few days with Carson and Megan while mom and dad got some time away. We had fun and it kept my mind busy. Carson is one day older than Garrett. They had a lot of fun playing. Of course they had their moments but all in all they did great. I took them to the zoo the Saturday before Easter which was fun. They loved the park and carousel the best. Go figure. :) We had a great time with them and I didn't realize how much I missed Carson. Garrett and I used to spend basically everyday with him(I used to watch him) and then we didn't see him for awhile so it was great getting to spend some time with him and Megan.

Our Easter was fun and busy. We went to Church, lunch, did Easter with my family, then went to Dusty's families for Easter with them. The day was packed but we did get it all done. Garrett had fun. He got the hang of the egg hunting real quick and ended up with a ton of candy and toys. He got like 4 Easter baskets. :) By the time we got home he was wore smooth out. I didn't get any pictures myself because my camera was messed up. That's part of the reason I have no pics up yet on my blog. They are coming though.

Yesterday, we did the 89er day parade in Guthrie. It was fun and the longest parade I have ever been to. It was 2 hours long. I thought it was never gonna end. :) Garrett loved all the "horsies". And, he almost gave me a heart attack when he decided to dart off from our curb up to one of the trucks in the parade. I let him out of the stroller for a short time and off he went. I had taken my eyes off him literally for a second and I looked back and he was gone. Like I said I almost had a heart attack. Needless to say his stint out of the stroller was short lived. Although, It was fun I was definitely glad when it was time to go. I couldn't believe how many people had entered into this parade and it didn't help that one of the first things I saw was a carriage with a casket in it. It was some advertisement for a funeral home but still, It knocked me for a loop and if we wouldn't have been at a parade with 9 million people around I would have had a meltdown but I just took some deep breaths and fought the tears. I have learned lately that when I feel a meltdown coming on to just take big deep breaths. Seriously, a meltdown in the middle of walmart is probably a little awkward. Anyways, back to the parade besides the carriage with the casket it was fun and the boys had a blast.

Garrett in the car on the way to the parade



Garrett and mommy!



Garrett and Aunt Lori! I think she was trying to get out of this picture..


Garrett enjoying the parade!

I guess I will get off here and go check on Garrett. I will let you all know how things go tomorrow.

Thank you all for your continued prayers. I am blessed to have all of you in my life!

Much love,

Shawna